A Creative Spark

I once read that people are more creative when they are tired. That must be why moms are some of the most creative people I know.

I know moms who write, draw, paint, act, sing, dance, bake, photograph, style, design, pickle, and knit. And they do it all while managing “blessings” and households.

Then there are those who seem to have lost their creative spark. Lately, this is me.

It may be because this winter has been particularly brutal when it comes to health in my family. The long nights spent getting up with sick kids have left me tired, but not the “creative” kind of tired.

Yesterday was especially rough. I spent most of the night rocking and nursing my ill son back to sleep. I have been “weaning” him since this fall and every feeding at this point feels like a sort of failure.

It also hit me, in the middle of the night, that since February is a short month this year (he was born on a 29th), it was technically his 19 month milestone. I was livid with myself. Here was this beautiful boy, rocking in my arms, and all I felt was the weight of a millstone around my neck.

I felt a tug on my heart. And I couldn’t “unthink” the thought – how close the words sounded – millstone… milestone… Which one would define this moment? This “MOMent” – Millstone Or Milestone?

(Stone. This is a word I do not take, uh, lightly as of late. In addition to unwell children, I also passed another kidney stone recently. It is insane how something so tiny can be so, well, crushing.  At this point, I had to laugh at myself. In the midst of what could be a possibly profound thought, a little voice in me was still screaming – Water… you need to drink some water! It is amazing the distractions that derail our best ideas. But I refuse to lose this one).

And so I said a prayer. And today, I started a blog (Milestones Over Millstones)… a reminder, in black and white, of which things should “weigh out” in my heart. And I looked up the “millstone” verse, which seems more fitting than I even realized.

“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.” – Matthew 18:6

So, here’s to refusing to be distracted. Here’s to celebrating milestones, instead of giving in to the heaviness of motherhood. Here’s to making a way forward… tiredly… creatively… kicking down road blocks (emotional, spiritual… self-made or otherwise) and clearing a path for those who follow. The faith of the future depends on it.