Neglige/ence

It never occurred to me that Mother Theresa would ever inspire me to shop at Victoria’s Secret, but that is exactly what happened the other day.

Often times I find myself mindlessly perusing the internet in a vain attempt to get back to sleep after multiple wakings with my year-old son. It was in one of those meanderings that I came across this Mother Theresa quote…

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.”

I am pretty sure I understand what she meant (quality “family time” – all gathered together around the dinner table, raising up decent humans, etc.) but then I began to think about the real “behind-the-scenes” of family love… the cleaning up of endless messes… the sitting up at night in dark rooms, rocking babies, remembering a former life of different dark rooms and different rocking out (baby)…

the delicate balancing of self-care and giving of self.

Lately, so much of myself has gone to sick kids, that I realized I have been pretty negligent of the other part of our family – my “other half” – my truly awesome husband. I couldn’t remember the last time in recent weeks that he wasn’t a passionate afterthought – a burst of final sprint energy at the end of the parenting marathon of the day.

And there it was – another word that reminded me of a milestone to be celebrated (instead of a millstone weighing me down) – negligence.

How many marriages have succumbed to this word? I am sure that it always starts slowly… a slippery slope from a “dry spell” into a “forty-year desert wandering.”

I should explain that, in my case, it was more of a physical side-track that led into an emotional one. Recovery from the birth of my two children proved painful and lengthy each time – two other words that don’t make great companions in terms of intimacy (well, the first one at least).

The absolute patience of my partner (parentner?) during these times has given me such respect for him. And the past few months we have finally “rounded a corner” (ha) into a new era of, um, “so-happy-togetherness.”

And before I let any of that – slip, I decided to turn that negligence into a bit of negligee…

and maybe even some lit candles (if we can get the kids to sleep… and ever actually get the new batteries into the smoke detector!)… another “creative spark” waiting to ignite.

It might seem crazy that the most “loving” thing I have done for my family lately is shop for new lingerie… but who am I to question Mother Theresa? I am certain she had much better secrets than Victoria any day.

¹¹ Come, my love,
let’s go to the field;
let’s spend the night among the henna blossoms.
¹² Let’s go early to the vineyards;
let’s see if the vine has budded,
if the blossom has opened,
if the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.   – Song of Songs 7:11-12