It is New Year’s Eve, and most people are reflecting on the past year and how they spent their time… which has me thinking about something related, but definitely different – space.
There have been many moments over the past year where I have questioned how I spent my money, or time, but one of the most valuable things I have been learning this year, is how I can best spend my space. (No, not MySpace… a little joke for fellow Xennials, ha.)
“Space” (more than just the “final frontier”) is one of those subjects that can be so abstract, and yet so tangible. It feels profound and incomprehensible… but also as close as the child on your lap. It is how we can feel separate and alone, but also “at one with” and included.
In scientific terms, it is a concept that is essential for so much – including energy itself (electrons leaving atoms begin electricity… funny how even on an atomic level, negative energy leaving sparks a productive reaction).
Reaction. This is where my thoughts about space have currently landed. How often do we notice the power our space contains? How much of our “taking up space” is purposeful? How much of our interaction with space is a reaction, versus a response?
To highlight – I went on a play date with a new friend the other day and thinking back, I don’t think that we actually ever came into contact – not even while handing kid items back and forth. We were sharing time together, but were we really sharing our space?
This is often what gives me anxiety… Shared space, misspent.
Or maybe just misunderstood. Do physical space and emotional space always overlap?
Even as I try to type this, my curious four-year-old is curled up (coughing) with her head on my knee. It is the ultimate sweetness… and irritation, as I can actually feel the fleeting focus in my head being replaced with cold germs.
(to compensate for the guilt of not paying enough attention, we are discussing her queries about how a computer works and when it is her turn to type).
And, ironically, that fear of not making the most of time spent in the same space as others, often puts a damper on the time spent in that space.
There is that old millstone for me – potential versus reality. My highest hopes of holiness – a time set apart – making every moment special – is almost always a mass too great for any time or space to carry.
SO… this is my hope for the new year – a potentially new take on space, that can help open up possibilities and lessen fears – the hope of “where two or more are gathered” reinterpreted…
(I almost typed “re-interrupted” – since my two-year-old just ran in to join the fun… I thought my husband was supposed to be helping me have some “space”? Ha ha ha.)
In times when my “space” is not what I think it should be –
-getting to know new neighbors/community members
-wishful closeness of (new/old, nearby/far-away) friends
-responding to a partner whose “love language” is physical touch
-endless hours of nightly rocking and nursing an impossible-to-wean toddler
-confusing interactions with relatives
-mishaps with strangers in public
-missing those who can’t share a physical space anymore
-the simultaneous too much/not enough “spacing” of motherhood in general…
there is room for a milestone: the “being still and knowing” that the “reality” of space has a better potential than even I can “conjure”…
spirit.
(To an extent, we can have a hand in the spiritual presence of a space, but to believe that we alone are responsible for the spirit of a moment is, I think, selling it short… and possibly just super arrogant, ha.)
THIS is my resolution of sorts for the New Year – to actually do less “improving” of the spaces I am in (physically and emotionally), so that the Holy Spirit can do more (uh, spiritually, ha). And to expand my definition of “shared spaces” – to remember that a God who exists outside of time and proximity is calling us to rethink those concepts too.
The question is, how will we respond?
“And hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” – Romans 5:5
HAPPIEST NEW YEAR!
Milestones Over Millstones 